Nap time is the best time of the day when you have little ones who take naps. It's a time of quiet, unwinding bliss. It is usually a time of getting the laundry done or dishes washed. I try to use the time of nap time or quiet time as we call it as a time to relax and do something for me. I watch TV, read a book or have a cup of tea. Today I took a nap. I was so exhausted from my little peanut growing inside me that I layed down to rest. An hour and a half later I woke up feeling rested but annoyed. I knew I would not be able to sleep tonight and now it's almost midnight and I am still awake. I figured I might as well catch up on my blog. It is still weird to me that you all read this even though I'm the same way about blogs. I have a few friends with blogs and I check them out religiously to see if they have made a new post.
Since my last post, I've been a little less freaked out about the joy coming to me in a little over 2 months. It boggles me that this pregnancy has gone by so fast but I guess I'm chasing after 2 others and have many other things on my plate. What will become of me with number 3. That is what I've been calling this one because I don't know the gender. I knew the gender of my first 2 babies before they were born. I've been told it's soooo much better this way but I'm not sure if I agree. With Erik and Sarah I had little people in me with personalities and a dream of what they would be like. I was told by a friend that I could just concentrate on the health of the baby this time and not what they will be like or how a girl/ boy will effect our family dynamics. It's funny because I never had those thoughts with Erik and Sarah but have them all the time with this one. I wonder how I will feel if a what comes out is not what I expected or desired. I honestly feel like no matter what comes out, I will be happy but there is a little inkling of "what if I'm disappointed", I ache knowing that I may feel like that. I chose not to find out the gender of the baby because of a number of reasons, Phil for one, also the excitement of not knowing (or so I thought).
I really have no idea the point to this post other than the get my feelings out to a world of unknown. When I write here, I feel like I'm getting my thoughts and feelings out in a real way but not to real people. I know real people read this but it doesn't feel as real as if I was talking to you in front of me. Don't get me wrong about this whole baby thing, I'm so excited to add another member to our family and am amazed daily by his/ her movements but and maybe it's the planner in me, I just want to know how to prepare my mind, body and house for this new member. When you bring a member of the family home, they should have a place to call home. Yes I will have an array of clothes and diapers but something just isn't the same.
Now it's officially midnight and I'm finally tired. So if you have words of wisdom to get through the next two months, I welcome them. If all your going to say is "oh you'll be fine". I already know that so thank you and I believe you! Have a blessed Christmas season and a Happy New year in case I don't get back til 2010!
