I am the mother of four children. When people ask me how many children I'm planning on having... I tell them I planned on three. That usually stops them dead in their tracks (when they know I have 4). There is a saying I heard once, We plan and God laughs. I am a planner. I love to plan. I probably love to plan more than I like actually executing the plan I've spent so many hours coming up with. Planning is great with some things. However sometimes you just need to shoot from the hip and go with whatever is thrown at you. You experience so much more in life that way.
This year has been an internal war for me. I've lost friends, gained friends and tried to figure out what makes me the happiest.
It doesn't seem like it's been ten years (almost 11) since I became a mother. I feel like right now, that is what defines me. Everything I do has to do with being a mother. I don't have an outside job. I don't have any hobbies (although I'm trying to get to the gym more often). What I do has everything to do with being a mother. There are days I feel like that isn't enough. Like I have nothing to contribute to a conversation with other adults (other than what my kids are doing). Phil asked me the other day, "why don't you think it's enough?" I couldn't give him an answer. Although, I read our Bishops pastoral letter to the diocese of Spokane today and in it was ways we can improve the Catholic church and bring people into the faith or back to the faith. He quoted Pope Francis (whom I adore) many times. Now, he didn't specifically say anything about motherhood but it got me thinking about what my contribution is to "improving the church". Raising Godly children is my purpose, my vocation, my faith journey. Raising Godly children doesn't just mean they are nice and share their toys (albeit a good quality to have). It's teaching them my faith, my beliefs and why I choose to be Catholic.
This year has also been a faith journey for me big time. I had a falling out with a friend who I thought we'd be friends for life. However our paths changed and we chose different paths. We had to do what was right for both of us. I was blessed to have her in my life for a season and wish her the best. However it makes me think, why does God put people in our life for such a short amount of time?
To give us what we need. I feel like I'm a stronger person in my faith, and what I want out of life because of her. I'm grateful for that.
Life changes daily, hourly sometimes. We have to go with it. Being a planner is good sometimes, but like I already stated, sometimes you have to go with what God gives you. I am the mother of four. It's just as encouraging as discouraging and just as joyful as it is painful. The point is, being a mother requires you to change your ways all the time. It took until I had 4 children to realize this. Now suffice to say I'm still not good at accepting change or shooting from the hip but at least I know that is what God wants from me.
One thing that the pastoral letter said that made me scream AMEN out loud (Seriously) was a quote from Pope Francis' Apostolic Exhoration is to "abandon the complacent attitude that says: "We have always done it this way"
Change is a good thing....
