all in DUE time.....

They say being patient is a virtue. I don't know who "They" are, but they are right, it's a virtue. A virtue I don't have. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not patient. I don't like surprises, I can't keep a secret (about myself that is) and I don't like waiting. When I want something done, I want it done NOW! In the grand scheme of things, 9 months is not a very long time to wait for a baby. I mean come on, 9 months to go from a tiny little egg and sperm to a full fledged human being. That is a miracle, an amazing transformation. It's not until the end when we start getting impatient, at least I do. I haven't even reached my due date (3 days left) and I'm already obsessing on when I will go into labor. I've done this twice before and yet am a little worried about the birth. I am not worried that something will go wrong or that the baby will have special needs, I am worried about myself. Can I birth a baby? Will I stay relaxed? Seriously, what is wrong with me, I've done this TWICE without any medication. What am I worried about. Maybe it's knowing what's coming. Maybe not knowing is better than knowing. With this pregnancy, it's been a world wind. Being busy with two other kids (one in school and the other in diapers still) has kept me preoccupied so I haven't had to think about it. There were times I forgot I was pregnant until I looked in the mirror. I remember when I was pregnant with Sarah, I was freaked. I thought how am I going to handle two kids. Now I'm freaked about three kids. I was able to handle two kids just fine and will be able to handle three. Why am I freaked out. As I write this, I realize I'm all over the board with my thoughts. It's called being 9 months pregnant. My body isn't my own, why should my mind be my own. I get annoyed that people only see a pregnant women in front of them. "how are you doing? Are you ready? What do the kids think?" Is that all people think about when they see me? They don't think about Natalie, they think about pregnant mom. I know they are being supportive and encouraging and I do the same thing to my pregnant friends. I should enjoy it and treasure it instead of being repulsed by it and wanting to crawl into a cave until I go into labor. Part of me wants to hunker down for the week and wait it out by myself. I won't have those questions in my head constantly but then again, maybe I will but I will be the one asking them not my sweet hearted friends but my own brain is asking "how are you doing? are you ready? are the kids ready? is the house ready? is my body ready? Maybe it's better to be around other people so I have something else to think about besides what is about to come OUT of my body. I treasure my baby and I thank God He has given me another child to love, care for and nurture into an adult who could possibly change the world for the better. I'm just scared for that responsibility. I suppose God knows what he is doing. Thank you for taking the time to read my scatterbrained thoughts and if you are reading this, I appreciate you as a friend and do welcome the question "how are you doing?" I know it only means you care!