Have you ever had ah ha moments in your life. Moments where what someone says or something you read just makes you stop and think and then you realize something you want to change your life or attitude or the way you do something.
January 1st is a day of many people making changes. Changes that usually last a day or two or maybe if you are lucky a whole month. Most of the time peoples "resolutions" don't stick. I have been trying to think of good resolutions, goals, whatever you want to call them that will stick with me this year. The obvious came to mind, eat better, exercise, spend more time with family, less time worrying. How do these stick though?
Today at Mass the priest was talking about making a commitment in your prayer life. He suggested saying the Rosary daily. My first reaction was "yeah right, you don't have kids", then after Mass I had a friend tell me that all the Catholic mothers in Walla Walla should go to the church and get on their knees and pray for their families on a monthly basis. Again, my thought was "What about childcare, being with our husbands, taking care of our families at night." Do I really need to add another thing to my plate?
Then tonight I read a Christmas letter from a friend whose talent for expressing herself is amazing both verbally and artistically. She talked about her family, Christmas traditions, girls growing up and the wonderful memories our children will have for a lifetime that seem so simple and cute now but will be amazing stories and traditions for generations.
My feelings about these were sadness, disappointment and guilt. Not about what my friends are doing but what I'm not doing. I don't pray everyday (except to say Lord give me strength). I don't do activities with my kids, I don't take the time to write Christmas letters to tell people in a creative way about my life. I felt sadness that my time is used up for so many other un-important time wasters. My disappointment was in myself for not putting my spiritual life and family first. And of course the guilt goes along with all that.
That is when I had my ah ha moment. I am not the same person as my friends. I don't have the same life, the same kids, the same family as other people in my life. God gave me the life I have for a reason. He gave me a husband who could make it possible for me to stay home with children. I have wondered so many times why I have the life I do. Why did I not take the path of advertising executive that I thought I wanted. The reason, it was not His path. I followed His path for me. Now I have come to a fork in the road. Do I take His path or my path. His path is filled with kids, family, making memories. My path is a clean and organized house, kids in school as soon as possible and after school playing by themselves without mommy so she can do the dishes, make dinner without "help". Now I'm not saying I can't have both but it's the way I accomplish both that is the path HE wants me to take.
So for my 1st resolution this year is to chose His path. The path that is a clean house, dinner on the table at night but with my kids by my side and His words coming out of my mouth instead of my own.
My 2nd resolution is to do what is right for my family, not trying to take what others do and make it my own.
I am going to go day by day and if I mess up on a day, well. tomorrow is a new day!
