In life, we all have expectations. We have expectations from others, from ourselves and even from God the Almighty. We expect certain behaviors or reactions from people. We expect certain results from God based on something we've asked for or done. As parents, we have expectations from our children. Mostly behavioral and sometimes educational or emotional. Growing up, I was raised in a "normal" family. My parents were married (and still are), both my siblings and myself have the same parents. We lived in the same house practically all our life. I never lived in a different town until I went away to college. We lived a simple life. My parents had expectations from me. Looking back through my adult eyes, they really didn't have THAT many expectations, definitely not high expectations. We could go anywhere as long as they knew who we were with and when we'd be home. I never had to clean my room. Folding laundry or snipping the ends of beans could be done WHILE watching TV, not before. Now don't get me wrong, at the time I thought their demands were harsh. Seriously, I couldn't go downtown to "hang out" until 9 or 10 pm on a school night. They had to know my friends. Really??? Now that I'm a parent I know I got off easy. I know all the "high" expectations they had of me, made me a strong resilient person I am today. I remember in high school not feeling like I measured up in my dad's eyes. No matter how hard I tried, the bar would be just out of reach. That was his way of pushing me to be better because he knew I had it in me. Isn't it funny how parents just "know" their child's potential. I find myself using the same terminology with my kids that my dad used with me. I don't know if that's inspiring or frightening.
I've been wanting to write on my blog for the past few days about this topic. I guess it hit me when I was down and out in bed. I wasn't sick in the traditional sense. I was depressed. Not sad, depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't. I left my 12 year old in charge for the day. Everyone survived and was actually happy because they had unlimited TV and video games. However in the state of mind I was in, I had the thought, "I need to get up, I need to take care of myself and my family" I was putting expectations on myself that I couldn't seem to follow through with. I hated myself for that. Yet, I still couldn't do it. Since then I have taken the steps to help myself which in turn helps my family. The reason I felt this way (besides genetics in all honesty) is because my life is pretty darn good. My husband and children are healthy. I'm not having to go to doctors visits on a regular basis like some people I know. My husband helps out (ALOT) after working all day to bring home the only paycheck. So why couldn't I get out of bed you ask. I didn't think I deserved my life. I didn't do anything special to get it. I met the right guy and the right time and we clicked. He's the hard working smart person that got a great job right out of college that he is still at and has accomplished his goal in the company. Now, granted yes I helped. I supported him, I take care of the house and the children, but is that enough? According the God, it is. My calling, vocation, job (whatever you want to call it) is to be a wife and a mother. However, I grew up with a woman who was a wife and a mother AND worked outside the home. She contributed to society. How was I doing that? Other mothers that I know contribute to society by joining groups and fundraising. I'm barely able to keep my 4 kids clothed and fed. I was having too high expectations for myself at this point in my life. Or maybe it's the worlds expectations or what I THINK the worlds expectations are.
If someone had a broken leg, or a gash on their leg, people could see they are in pain. If your heart isn't working properly and you need medication for it, people don't think you are crazy or something is "wrong" with you. However (you know where I'm going huh). if one of the most important organs (your brain) is malfunctioning people look and act like your crazy. They even have a saying "it's all in your head". Yes, it is all in my head. My poorly functioning head. Why as a society do we "EXPECT" people to not take care of their brain? I know we have counselors and psychologists, but there is still a stigma of negativity surrounding the idea of "mental issues".
So here is to having less expectations on myself and more love and peacefulness. Life happens when you are busy expecting things......
