I grew up in a family of 5. My earliest memory is when my mom went into labor with my brother when I was 3. I've always been part of a family of 5, until I got married into a family of 10. Wow, double the size of what I was part of took some getting used to. So when it was time to plan my own family I thought umm... 2 or 3 would be good. I had my first baby in March 2004, he was a joy. We took 100s of pictures the first day. I was a mother. Little did I know how challenging and rewarding at the same time my life would become. Flash forward 3 years (which is the age gap of my siblings) and I got pregnant again (on the first try again). However this was not to be. Excited we went in for our first appointment and found out the baby was "not viable", not what you want to hear when you excited to bring a sibling to your little boy. I didn't understand why? What did I do wrong? The answer was nothing, this baby was not meant to be part of your family. A year later, we got pregnant (not on the first try but still fairly quickly). God knew why I needed that extra year. The child he gave me needed A LOT of attention as a baby so I needed an older brother who was potty trained, going to pre-school and sleeping through the night. Flash forward 2 years.... should we have a third, should we be the "all american family" at 2 kids, one boy, one girl??? Oh... I'm pregnant, guess we are having a third. Again I dream..... I want another girl. My family was two girls and one boy. Sisters were more important than brothers right? God laughed... he gave me another boy. I really wanted a girl so it was hard to accept Gods plan. I soon realized the amazing little boy in my arms. I was "done". My family was complete!!! Again I plan and God laughs. I wasn't even trying, in fact I was "avoiding" getting pregnant. I knew how it happened and I was doing what I thought was right for our family.
February of this year (2012) I had just gotten back from a wonderful vacation with my sister (who is one of my best friends) so over joyed. I had really need a break to remind myself there was more to me than being "just a mom". I came back with a new lease on life. I was ready to be a mom again. I remember thinking I was glad my monthly visitor had not come on my vacation, however I was ready when I got back and to my chagrin, she failed to visit. Uhhhh.... What??? Are you kidding me God? I was pregnant with number 4!! I was shocked. I thought I had done everything "right" to keep my family the size I wanted. Over the next few months, many conversations took place between me and God. He showed me that he was giving me what I needed not what I wanted. That is what parents do, give their children what the need, not what they want (usually).
Now I am less than 2 weeks away from having baby number 4 (ANOTHER BOY) and I am still a little concerned about what He (God) has planned for our family. This has been an emotionally and physically draining pregnancy. I don't have a huge belly, I don't get sick, I don't gain weight. I have the ideal body for pregnancy but yet I still FEEL very pregnant.
God gives us 9 months to wrap our head around the idea of bringing a new life into the world. Sometimes that 9 months is too long, sometimes it's too short. For me, it's been just about right (depending on the day).
So as I embrace my family of 6, I pray for the peace of mind God will give me, the ability to see the joys in more children than I planned on and the strength to be the best mom I can be to 4!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Changes...
Obviously I've been so good about keeping up with my blog the last few months. I was wondering when the last time I posted so I looked it up.... January 1st! Oh my, that is bad. I know I have three kids and a husband to take care of but that is really not good if I want to look back at these posts as they are intended, a journal of my life. What happened from January to May?? Well before my memory really fades into the background here is the gist of what has happened!
January- Good intentions to live a better life; physically, mentally and spiritually.
February- Went on a spur of the moment trip to California with ONLY my sister for 5 days (I think it was 5). Got away from the snow, cold and yuck to enjoy the beautiful 70 degree weather in Laguna Niguel. Was able to stay with Phil's family and not have to cook, clean or be called mom at all. We drank, sat on the beach and ate at restaurants where we didn't have to cut up anyone's food. Yeah for girls trip.
Came home to happy children, thrilled husband (for me being home) and a clean house (Yes, I have an awesome husband). Less than a week later found another surprise..... wait for it..... pregnant with baby #4! Let's just say this was a SURPRISE and not the kind I wanted at that moment. I know you are suppose to be happy about a baby, new life etc etc..... but let's just say after my taste of freedom from mom responsibility the thought of starting over with labor, delivery, nursing, midnight feedings and potty training ANOTHER one wasn't on my to-do list for the year (or next year). But alas, I've come to terms with God's plan (more on that later).
February also brought Caleb and Sarah's birthday. Caleb's was just family and Sarah's was her 3 best friends and her cousin. My princess had a Tangled party with art, spaghetti and pin the frying pan on Flynn Rider (you have to see the movie to understand).
March- Erik turned 8 and got to have his first "official" sleep over with his best friend Franklin. They were very excited about it and did very well, although Franklin missed his family at bedtime but was happy to have french toast for breakfast.
Also we had our first appointment with the doctor to check out bean's progress. I was very happy to learn that there was only one bean and "he" was doing great. Got to listen to the heartbeat which was amazing. Technology is a good thing some times.
April- Not much big happened other than day to day stuff. School for kids, cleaning and meal prep for mom and building all sorts of stuff for fish at the dams for Phil.
May- brought my birthday and my parents here for a week to help out, visit with and just enjoy the fact that mom and dad can travel again after dad's stroke a year ago. The biggest surprise of the week while they were here was finding out that baby #4 is a BOY!! I was totally convinced baby was a girl, even had a name picked out. I have never been wrong before but I was this time. Erik was thrilled. Sarah came around after we all assured her she would be the princess of the family.
That brings me up to date. I am going to try to do my best to stay on top of this because like I said, I would like to look back at this someday and probably laugh about all my trials, tribulations and joys that I thought were sooo important I had to post them to the internet forever.....
Yes, change is a good thing (usually). This baby has taught me a lot so far in his short little lifespan. We need to go with with the flow and count each day as a day to be courageous and take the trials with the joys. Easier said than done, especially when you are hormonal. Haha.... to much information huh!
January- Good intentions to live a better life; physically, mentally and spiritually.
February- Went on a spur of the moment trip to California with ONLY my sister for 5 days (I think it was 5). Got away from the snow, cold and yuck to enjoy the beautiful 70 degree weather in Laguna Niguel. Was able to stay with Phil's family and not have to cook, clean or be called mom at all. We drank, sat on the beach and ate at restaurants where we didn't have to cut up anyone's food. Yeah for girls trip.
Came home to happy children, thrilled husband (for me being home) and a clean house (Yes, I have an awesome husband). Less than a week later found another surprise..... wait for it..... pregnant with baby #4! Let's just say this was a SURPRISE and not the kind I wanted at that moment. I know you are suppose to be happy about a baby, new life etc etc..... but let's just say after my taste of freedom from mom responsibility the thought of starting over with labor, delivery, nursing, midnight feedings and potty training ANOTHER one wasn't on my to-do list for the year (or next year). But alas, I've come to terms with God's plan (more on that later).
February also brought Caleb and Sarah's birthday. Caleb's was just family and Sarah's was her 3 best friends and her cousin. My princess had a Tangled party with art, spaghetti and pin the frying pan on Flynn Rider (you have to see the movie to understand).
March- Erik turned 8 and got to have his first "official" sleep over with his best friend Franklin. They were very excited about it and did very well, although Franklin missed his family at bedtime but was happy to have french toast for breakfast.
Also we had our first appointment with the doctor to check out bean's progress. I was very happy to learn that there was only one bean and "he" was doing great. Got to listen to the heartbeat which was amazing. Technology is a good thing some times.
April- Not much big happened other than day to day stuff. School for kids, cleaning and meal prep for mom and building all sorts of stuff for fish at the dams for Phil.
May- brought my birthday and my parents here for a week to help out, visit with and just enjoy the fact that mom and dad can travel again after dad's stroke a year ago. The biggest surprise of the week while they were here was finding out that baby #4 is a BOY!! I was totally convinced baby was a girl, even had a name picked out. I have never been wrong before but I was this time. Erik was thrilled. Sarah came around after we all assured her she would be the princess of the family.
That brings me up to date. I am going to try to do my best to stay on top of this because like I said, I would like to look back at this someday and probably laugh about all my trials, tribulations and joys that I thought were sooo important I had to post them to the internet forever.....
Yes, change is a good thing (usually). This baby has taught me a lot so far in his short little lifespan. We need to go with with the flow and count each day as a day to be courageous and take the trials with the joys. Easier said than done, especially when you are hormonal. Haha.... to much information huh!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A new year....
Have you ever had ah ha moments in your life. Moments where what someone says or something you read just makes you stop and think and then you realize something you want to change your life or attitude or the way you do something.
January 1st is a day of many people making changes. Changes that usually last a day or two or maybe if you are lucky a whole month. Most of the time peoples "resolutions" don't stick. I have been trying to think of good resolutions, goals, whatever you want to call them that will stick with me this year. The obvious came to mind, eat better, exercise, spend more time with family, less time worrying. How do these stick though?
Today at Mass the priest was talking about making a commitment in your prayer life. He suggested saying the Rosary daily. My first reaction was "yeah right, you don't have kids", then after Mass I had a friend tell me that all the Catholic mothers in Walla Walla should go to the church and get on their knees and pray for their families on a monthly basis. Again, my thought was "What about childcare, being with our husbands, taking care of our families at night." Do I really need to add another thing to my plate?
Then tonight I read a Christmas letter from a friend whose talent for expressing herself is amazing both verbally and artistically. She talked about her family, Christmas traditions, girls growing up and the wonderful memories our children will have for a lifetime that seem so simple and cute now but will be amazing stories and traditions for generations.
My feelings about these were sadness, disappointment and guilt. Not about what my friends are doing but what I'm not doing. I don't pray everyday (except to say Lord give me strength). I don't do activities with my kids, I don't take the time to write Christmas letters to tell people in a creative way about my life. I felt sadness that my time is used up for so many other un-important time wasters. My disappointment was in myself for not putting my spiritual life and family first. And of course the guilt goes along with all that.
That is when I had my ah ha moment. I am not the same person as my friends. I don't have the same life, the same kids, the same family as other people in my life. God gave me the life I have for a reason. He gave me a husband who could make it possible for me to stay home with children. I have wondered so many times why I have the life I do. Why did I not take the path of advertising executive that I thought I wanted. The reason, it was not His path. I followed His path for me. Now I have come to a fork in the road. Do I take His path or my path. His path is filled with kids, family, making memories. My path is a clean and organized house, kids in school as soon as possible and after school playing by themselves without mommy so she can do the dishes, make dinner without "help". Now I'm not saying I can't have both but it's the way I accomplish both that is the path HE wants me to take.
So for my 1st resolution this year is to chose His path. The path that is a clean house, dinner on the table at night but with my kids by my side and His words coming out of my mouth instead of my own.
My 2nd resolution is to do what is right for my family, not trying to take what others do and make it my own.
I am going to go day by day and if I mess up on a day, well. tomorrow is a new day!
January 1st is a day of many people making changes. Changes that usually last a day or two or maybe if you are lucky a whole month. Most of the time peoples "resolutions" don't stick. I have been trying to think of good resolutions, goals, whatever you want to call them that will stick with me this year. The obvious came to mind, eat better, exercise, spend more time with family, less time worrying. How do these stick though?
Today at Mass the priest was talking about making a commitment in your prayer life. He suggested saying the Rosary daily. My first reaction was "yeah right, you don't have kids", then after Mass I had a friend tell me that all the Catholic mothers in Walla Walla should go to the church and get on their knees and pray for their families on a monthly basis. Again, my thought was "What about childcare, being with our husbands, taking care of our families at night." Do I really need to add another thing to my plate?
Then tonight I read a Christmas letter from a friend whose talent for expressing herself is amazing both verbally and artistically. She talked about her family, Christmas traditions, girls growing up and the wonderful memories our children will have for a lifetime that seem so simple and cute now but will be amazing stories and traditions for generations.
My feelings about these were sadness, disappointment and guilt. Not about what my friends are doing but what I'm not doing. I don't pray everyday (except to say Lord give me strength). I don't do activities with my kids, I don't take the time to write Christmas letters to tell people in a creative way about my life. I felt sadness that my time is used up for so many other un-important time wasters. My disappointment was in myself for not putting my spiritual life and family first. And of course the guilt goes along with all that.
That is when I had my ah ha moment. I am not the same person as my friends. I don't have the same life, the same kids, the same family as other people in my life. God gave me the life I have for a reason. He gave me a husband who could make it possible for me to stay home with children. I have wondered so many times why I have the life I do. Why did I not take the path of advertising executive that I thought I wanted. The reason, it was not His path. I followed His path for me. Now I have come to a fork in the road. Do I take His path or my path. His path is filled with kids, family, making memories. My path is a clean and organized house, kids in school as soon as possible and after school playing by themselves without mommy so she can do the dishes, make dinner without "help". Now I'm not saying I can't have both but it's the way I accomplish both that is the path HE wants me to take.
So for my 1st resolution this year is to chose His path. The path that is a clean house, dinner on the table at night but with my kids by my side and His words coming out of my mouth instead of my own.
My 2nd resolution is to do what is right for my family, not trying to take what others do and make it my own.
I am going to go day by day and if I mess up on a day, well. tomorrow is a new day!
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