I grew up in a family of 5. My earliest memory is when my mom went into labor with my brother when I was 3. I've always been part of a family of 5, until I got married into a family of 10. Wow, double the size of what I was part of took some getting used to. So when it was time to plan my own family I thought umm... 2 or 3 would be good. I had my first baby in March 2004, he was a joy. We took 100s of pictures the first day. I was a mother. Little did I know how challenging and rewarding at the same time my life would become. Flash forward 3 years (which is the age gap of my siblings) and I got pregnant again (on the first try again). However this was not to be. Excited we went in for our first appointment and found out the baby was "not viable", not what you want to hear when you excited to bring a sibling to your little boy. I didn't understand why? What did I do wrong? The answer was nothing, this baby was not meant to be part of your family. A year later, we got pregnant (not on the first try but still fairly quickly). God knew why I needed that extra year. The child he gave me needed A LOT of attention as a baby so I needed an older brother who was potty trained, going to pre-school and sleeping through the night. Flash forward 2 years.... should we have a third, should we be the "all american family" at 2 kids, one boy, one girl??? Oh... I'm pregnant, guess we are having a third. Again I dream..... I want another girl. My family was two girls and one boy. Sisters were more important than brothers right? God laughed... he gave me another boy. I really wanted a girl so it was hard to accept Gods plan. I soon realized the amazing little boy in my arms. I was "done". My family was complete!!! Again I plan and God laughs. I wasn't even trying, in fact I was "avoiding" getting pregnant. I knew how it happened and I was doing what I thought was right for our family.
February of this year (2012) I had just gotten back from a wonderful vacation with my sister (who is one of my best friends) so over joyed. I had really need a break to remind myself there was more to me than being "just a mom". I came back with a new lease on life. I was ready to be a mom again. I remember thinking I was glad my monthly visitor had not come on my vacation, however I was ready when I got back and to my chagrin, she failed to visit. Uhhhh.... What??? Are you kidding me God? I was pregnant with number 4!! I was shocked. I thought I had done everything "right" to keep my family the size I wanted. Over the next few months, many conversations took place between me and God. He showed me that he was giving me what I needed not what I wanted. That is what parents do, give their children what the need, not what they want (usually).
Now I am less than 2 weeks away from having baby number 4 (ANOTHER BOY) and I am still a little concerned about what He (God) has planned for our family. This has been an emotionally and physically draining pregnancy. I don't have a huge belly, I don't get sick, I don't gain weight. I have the ideal body for pregnancy but yet I still FEEL very pregnant.
God gives us 9 months to wrap our head around the idea of bringing a new life into the world. Sometimes that 9 months is too long, sometimes it's too short. For me, it's been just about right (depending on the day).
So as I embrace my family of 6, I pray for the peace of mind God will give me, the ability to see the joys in more children than I planned on and the strength to be the best mom I can be to 4!
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