Gratefulness and re-capping the year

It's amazing that all of a sudden on November 1st people start telling you what they are grateful for. Are they only grateful in November. I realize it's because of Thanksgiving. We are entering into the busy holiday season and we need to remind ourselves what is great about our life. It's like sending Christmas cards/ letters out in December. Why do we do this in November/ December? Is this why the holiday season is so busy or do we have more time to do things these two months because the weather is yucky outside?  Whatever the reason, we consume ourselves with telling everyone else what we are grateful for in November and remind everyone what we did this year in December. I'd like to know what you are grateful for in May or August, not just November. I guess I don't do it so why should I expect others to do it. I have a hard enough time coming up with a list on my own (which I'm attempting to come up with 1000 gifts/ grateful items) in the next year. I was doing really well for a few days but I haven't gotten out my journal for about a week. Why? Life? Death? Not feeling grateful for daily grind things like laundry sitting on my bed. Although I should! Most people in the world don't have loads of laundry on their bed. We tend to forget about the big world outside our own world.
So if you express your gratitude only in November, that is fine. Please remember to express it year round so the rest of us, know you are grateful for the dishes, laundry and messy floors year round...


This is dedicated to Paula Auth. The one I know reads these ramblings of "just a mom"

New path

When I go out with all my children (all FOUR of them) I get comments made to me, "wow, you must be busy", "are they all yours", "you must be Catholic or Mormon".
To answer these questions, yes I'm busy (what mom isn't), yes they are all mine (seriously who would take someone else's kids to the grocery store) and yes I'm Catholic (but I know Catholics with 2 kids and non-Catholics with 4 or 5 kids).

Even though I'm busy with my four beautiful children I have decided, through prayer, that I am starting my own business. I needed an outlet for just me that had nothing to do with being a mom or wife. One of my blessings/ curses is that I love to organize. I love having everything in it's place (not that my stuff gets in it's place all the time). So what better for me to sell than cute organization totes, bags and purses. Thirty One Gifts is a company that I not only love the products but I love and honor the company. They are a company who believes in a life that I enjoy promoting. Encouraging women to have something of their own all the while being home with family. Putting myself out there was not the easiest thing to do. I am naturally shy (I know people, I don't seem it but I am). I HATE talking in front of people so why, you ask, would I put myself in front of people to sell them products that you could get at Target or Wal-Mart for cheaper? 1) I believe in the products 2) I want to feel better about talking in front of others 3) I believe in the products (oh wait, I said that already). 4) I love the mission of Thirty One!
Please keep me in your prayers! I am going to need them!!

A year ago.....

 Every January, people look back at the previous year and evaluate their year. Was it a good year? Was it a bad year? What changed? A year ago, I thought 2012 was going to be a continuation of the 2011. I was still a stay at home mom, married to an engineer with the Corps of Engineers and mom to three kids, two of which were in school. Only one more at home.. ahh.

In mid January my sister called and convinced me go on a quick girls trip to California. We were able to get decent tickets (she had a credit that had to be used) and we were able to stay with Phil's brother and use his car so saved money right there. We had a wonderful time. So relaxing, so many giggles.... Neither of us had been so relaxed in a long time. God knew I needed that vacation because he was about to throw me a curve ball. When I got home I found out I was pregnant.

So.... a year ago I didn't think I would have any more kids... I was surprised and a tad shaken. Am I going to be able to handle 4 kids. Are they going to survive? Am I going to survive? Well  a year later and 2012 was a continuation of 2011, just with another beautiful boy in our family. He came on October 13th (yes he will have a Friday the 13th birthday but he won't get the significance). The planner in me, planned the perfect birth and it happened just the way I wanted (with the exception that I tried to get induced on the 11th so he would have 10-11-12 as a birthdate, but that's ok). The birth was perfect. I was relaxed and couldn't feel a thing (which is what I wanted after 3 births with no pain meds)

Now another year is beginning. What will this year bring? I am looking forward to watching my family grow (up that is, not multiply). I'm trying new things to make my life the way I want it to be, with friends, family and myself.

My goals for 2013 (not resolutions)

• Catch up on scrapbooking (I'm on 2011 right now. ugg)
• Have friends over for a meal at least once a month
• Have more girls nights out
• Get in shape (don't care about the number on the scale, just want to feel good)
• Make new memories with my kids (like taking them to California)

So here is to the goals of 2013!!! Happy New Year!!

Family of WHAT?? 6??

I grew up in a family of 5. My earliest memory is when my mom went into labor with my brother when I was 3. I've always been part of a family of 5, until I got married into a family of 10. Wow, double the size of what I was part of took some getting used to. So when it was time to plan my own family I thought umm... 2 or 3 would be good. I had my first baby in March 2004, he was a joy. We took 100s of pictures the first day. I was a mother. Little did I know how challenging and rewarding at the same time my life would become. Flash forward 3 years (which is the age gap of my siblings) and I got pregnant again (on the first try again). However this was not to be. Excited we went in for our first appointment and found out the baby was "not viable", not what you want to hear when you excited to bring a sibling to your little boy. I didn't understand why? What did I do wrong? The answer was nothing, this baby was not meant to be part of your family. A year later, we got pregnant (not on the first try but still fairly quickly). God knew why I needed that extra year. The child he gave me needed A LOT of attention as a baby so I needed an older brother who was potty trained, going to pre-school and sleeping through the night. Flash forward 2 years.... should we have a third, should we be the "all american family" at 2 kids, one boy, one girl??? Oh... I'm pregnant, guess we are having a third. Again I dream..... I want another girl. My family was two girls and one boy. Sisters were more important than brothers right? God laughed... he gave me another boy. I really wanted a girl so it was hard to accept Gods plan. I soon realized the amazing little boy in my arms. I was "done". My family was complete!!! Again I plan and God laughs. I wasn't even trying, in fact I was "avoiding" getting pregnant. I knew how it happened and I was doing what I thought was right for our family.

February of this year (2012) I had just gotten back from a wonderful vacation with my sister (who is one of my best friends) so over joyed. I had really need a break to remind myself there was more to me than being "just a mom".  I came back with a new lease on life. I was ready to be a mom again. I remember thinking I was glad my monthly visitor had not come on my vacation, however I was ready when I got back and to my chagrin, she failed to visit. Uhhhh.... What??? Are you kidding me God? I was pregnant with number 4!! I was shocked. I thought I had done everything "right" to keep my family the size I wanted. Over the next few months, many conversations took place between me and God. He showed me that he was giving me what I needed not what I wanted. That is what parents do, give their children what the need, not what they want (usually).

Now I am less than 2 weeks away from having baby number 4 (ANOTHER BOY) and I am still a little concerned about what He (God) has planned for our family. This has been an emotionally and physically draining pregnancy. I don't have a huge belly, I don't get sick, I don't gain weight. I have the ideal body for pregnancy but yet I still FEEL very pregnant.
God gives us 9 months to wrap our head around the idea of bringing a new life into the world.  Sometimes that 9 months is too long, sometimes it's too short. For me, it's been just about right  (depending on the day).

So as I embrace my family of 6, I pray for the peace of mind God will give me, the ability to see the joys in more children than I planned on and the strength to be the best mom I can be to 4!

Changes...

Obviously I've been so good about keeping up with my blog the last few months. I was wondering when the last time I posted so I looked it up.... January 1st! Oh my, that is bad. I know I have three kids and a husband to take care of but that is really not good if I want to look back at these posts as they are intended, a journal of my life. What happened from January to May?? Well before my memory really fades into the background here is the gist of what has happened!
January- Good intentions to live a better life; physically, mentally and spiritually.

February- Went on a spur of the moment trip to California with ONLY my sister for 5 days (I think it was 5). Got away from the snow, cold and yuck to enjoy the beautiful 70 degree weather in Laguna Niguel. Was able to stay with Phil's family and not have to cook, clean or be called mom at all. We drank, sat on the beach and ate at restaurants where we didn't have to cut up anyone's food. Yeah for girls trip.
Came home to happy children, thrilled husband (for me being home) and a clean house (Yes, I have an awesome husband). Less than a week later found another surprise..... wait for it..... pregnant with baby #4! Let's just say this was a SURPRISE and not the kind I wanted at that moment. I know you are suppose to be happy about a baby, new life etc etc..... but let's just say after my taste of freedom from mom responsibility the thought of starting over with labor, delivery, nursing, midnight feedings and potty training ANOTHER one wasn't on my to-do list for the year (or next year). But alas, I've come to terms with God's plan (more on that later).
February also brought Caleb and Sarah's birthday. Caleb's was just family and Sarah's was her 3 best friends and her cousin. My princess had a Tangled party with art, spaghetti and pin the frying pan on Flynn Rider (you have to see the movie to understand).

March- Erik turned 8 and got to have his first "official" sleep over with his best friend Franklin. They were very excited about it and did very well, although Franklin missed his family at bedtime but was happy to have french toast for breakfast.
Also we had our first appointment with the doctor to check out bean's progress. I was very happy to learn that there was only one bean and "he" was doing great. Got to listen to the heartbeat which was amazing. Technology is a good thing some times.

April- Not much big happened other than day to day stuff. School for kids, cleaning and meal prep for mom and building all sorts of stuff for fish at the dams for Phil.

May- brought my birthday and my parents here for a week to help out, visit with and just enjoy the fact that mom and dad can travel again after dad's stroke a year ago. The biggest surprise of the week while they were here was finding out that baby #4 is a BOY!! I was totally convinced baby was a girl, even had a name picked out. I have never been wrong before but I was this time. Erik was thrilled. Sarah came around after we all assured her she would be the princess of the family.

That brings me up to date. I am going to try to do my best to stay on top of this because like I said, I would like to look back at this someday and probably laugh about all my trials, tribulations and joys that I thought were sooo important I had to post them to the internet forever.....

Yes, change is a good thing (usually). This baby has taught me a lot so far in his short little lifespan. We need to go with with the flow and count each day as a day to be courageous and take the trials with the joys. Easier said than done, especially when you are hormonal. Haha.... to much information huh!

A new year....

Have you ever had ah ha moments in your life. Moments where what someone says or something you read just makes you stop and think and then you realize something you want to change your life or attitude or the way you do something.
January 1st is a day of many people making changes. Changes that usually last a day or two or maybe if you are lucky a whole month. Most of the time peoples "resolutions" don't stick. I have been trying to think of good resolutions, goals, whatever you want to call them that will stick with me this year. The obvious came to mind, eat better, exercise, spend more time with family, less time worrying. How do these stick though?

Today at Mass the priest was talking about making a commitment in your prayer life. He suggested saying the Rosary daily. My first reaction was "yeah right, you don't have kids", then after Mass I had a friend tell me that all the Catholic mothers in Walla Walla should go to the church and get on their knees and pray for their families on a monthly basis. Again, my thought was "What about childcare, being with our husbands, taking care of our families at night." Do I really need to add another thing to my plate?

Then tonight I read a Christmas letter from a friend whose talent for expressing herself is amazing both verbally and artistically. She talked about her family, Christmas traditions, girls growing up and the wonderful memories our children will have for a lifetime that seem so simple and cute now but will be amazing stories and traditions for generations.

My feelings about these were sadness, disappointment and guilt. Not about what my friends are doing but what I'm not doing. I don't pray everyday (except to say Lord give me strength). I don't do activities with my kids, I don't take the time to write Christmas letters to tell people in  a creative way about my life. I felt sadness that my time is used up for so many other un-important time wasters. My disappointment was in myself for not putting my spiritual life and family first. And of course the guilt goes along with all that.

That is when I had my ah ha moment. I am not the same person as my friends. I don't have the same life, the same kids, the same family as other people in my life. God gave me the life I have for a reason. He gave me a husband who could make it possible for me to stay home with children. I have wondered so many times why I have the life I do. Why did I not take the path of advertising executive that I thought I wanted. The reason, it was not His path. I followed His path for me. Now I have come to a fork in the road. Do I take His path or my path. His path is filled with kids, family, making memories. My path is a clean and organized house, kids in school as soon as possible and after school playing by themselves without mommy so she can do the dishes, make dinner without "help".  Now I'm not saying I can't have both but it's the way I accomplish both that is the path HE wants me to take.

So for my 1st resolution this year is to chose His path. The path that is a clean house, dinner on the table at night but with my kids by my side and His words coming out of my mouth instead of  my own.
My 2nd resolution is to do what is right for my family, not trying to take what others do and make it my own.
I am going to go day by day and if I mess up on a day, well. tomorrow is a new day!

Taming the tongue

"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble." Proverbs 21:23
"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12: 18. 
"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!"  Psalm 14:13




All these scripture passages say the same thing, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. How many of you had your mother or father tell you that at some point in your life. I know I had my parents tell me all the time. I tell my children the same. However what do you do when another adult doesn't follow the scripture or what their parents told them. How do you react? Do you "take the high road" as my dad always told me? Or do you lash back with a snip or a quip of your own. How many times do you "take the high" road before you wonder why you are still taking this road that obviously doesn't lead you where you want to go.  Most people that know me well don't think I take the high road very often. That is the problem with being silent. No one knows when you've been hurt, offended or crushed by someones comments.  Don't get me wrong, I believe taking the high road is the way to go. I encourage my children to do it, even if it crushes me inside because I know what the other person said to them was extremely hurtful or down right rude but I smile and say, "don't worry about it". What am I teaching my children. Am I teaching them not to stand up for themselves or am I teaching them a valuable lesson about life, that even though people can be hurtful, you will survive and thrive by being the nice one. At what point do you stand up and express your feelings to the person who crushed you. Would it even matter? Maybe that person believes he/she didn't do anything wrong and therefore has no reason to apologize.  Am I overreacting? How do you call someone on something when you know down to the depths of your soul it won't matter or worse yet, you will cause them pain that can be avoided by taking the high road. 
It's usually always good to take the high road, according to society, the Bible and decent folks everywhere. Just remember this, taking the high road will eventually get you where you want to be. With the one who will take care of you, protect you from pain and love you unconditionally. 
(I just have to keep telling myself that to believe it right! )

Motherhood as a vocation

Have you ever asked your child or someones child what they want to be when they grow up? Depending on their age and gender you could get anything from a superhero to batman to a princess to a doctor, teacher etc. Some little girls say mommies because they see their mommy playing dress up or play dough or painting. They don't "see" the laundry, dishes, sweeping, diapers etc.. If they did see and truly understand that, they wouldn't say they want to be a mommy. I love the innocence of children. They can only see the fun in all the jobs people have. Erik goes to Phil's work and doesn't see piles of papers that are a million different projects, or the schedule with all the boring meetings. He sees the key that locks the drawer or the hard hat that is 4x too big for him.

Lately I have had a number of people say to me that motherhood is a vocation. I always looked at the word of vocation as a job. Growing up I didn't think being a mom was a job. You don't leave the house (unless your are running an errand), you don't dress up, and most importantly you don't have a paycheck with $$ that is. I remember Phil asking me "are you sure you want to have a baby now, it's not all giggles and cooing" And of course not knowing ANYTHING, I said yes I do.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom. When I hear my kids giggle or chase each other or tell me they love me is the best feeling in the world. However it is a job! The difference between a job and a vocation is simply this: a vocation is something you are meant to do, a job is something that you do to pay the bills.  A vocation has purpose on  a much deeper level. At least that is how I see it.
Being a mother you are suppose to give yourself to your children completely, being a wife you are suppose to give yourself to your husband completely. Where does that leave you as a women?
I honestly believe I have the best life a person could ask for. I have a wonderful husband who is ALWAYS there for me without question. I have three healthy kids, We have an income that provides for us what we need and then some. However, I still struggle. Yeah yeah, everyone struggles, especially stay at home moms I'm told. Is that a reason or just an excuse for why I'm feeling the way I am and acting out to my children and husband. Granted this has been a tough year for my family (with my dad's stroke and all). Again is that a reason or an excuse. I feel like I'm rambling on so back to my point of motherhood as a vocation. I may not enjoy my daily tasks of my job but I know that I am very lucky with my vocation as a mother.

Here are some things that my children have done lately that brought joy to my heart:

Erik is reading level one books. Even books that we've never read to him before he is figuring them out on his own.

Sarah's expressions have been so entertaining lately it's hard to discipline her when she makes them (and she knows it)

Caleb is my baby and when he smiles at me, all my frustrations just melt away.

and now that, that's said I am going to return to the screaming and yelling of my children.. Haha, the joys of motherhood.

ups and downs

My mom told me once, "when you're a mom, the days are long but the years are short". She told me this when my oldest was 2 and he was in the middle of "the terrible twos". Now five years later that little 2 year old is now 7 and has been joined by two more little ones. I look around and it appears that so many other peoples children are fun loving, happy go lucky, extra smart and love to play. I look at my children who are screaming, fighting and asking to watch yet another TV show on a day where the sun is shining and it's 75 degrees outside. I do remember being a TV kid but I also remember loving to go outside in the summer. I know in my head, everyones children act the same as mine. I just wonder how much of their negative attitude is their age, the time of year, or is it more related to my attitude. Lately I've been debbie downer. Everything I look at is ugly, broken or needing to be repaired including myself. I try to use logic to cheer me up and make me realize my life isn't so bad but then the emotions come rolling back in and I just want to give up and crawl back in bed. I can explain my actions away with a number of things, but that is just an excuse. How does one look at the glass as half full instead of half empty?

4 month anniversary

Yesterday was the 4 months to the day that my dad had his stroke. In the beginning none of us knew how long they would be in Florida. I certainly didn't think it would be 4 months and yet they are still there and will be for months to come unless we raise money to bring them home. I've gone months without seeing my parents (probably not 4 but months nonetheless). It never occurred to me that 4 months was a long time without seeing ones parents. I talked to them on the phone, especially my dad. Maybe that is why it seems so weird. Yesterday was the first time I had a conversation with my dad where he could contribute back to the conversation. It was amazing. So many times in the past I just rolled my eyes when he talked because that is all he did, gab gab gab. "They" say you don't know what you had until it's gone. Hearing my dad say the words "I love you too" was the most amazing sounds I've ever heard. He had a hard time saying it when he was healthy, let alone after a major trauma to his brain.
All this being said, we as a family are trying to get him back to the Northwest so he can be with his family and friends. So far insurance won't pay to transfer him because he is in a perfectly good facility. I understand that from a business perspective. However he needs his family, his children, his grandchildren. If you would like to contribute to our fund to bring my parents back from Florida where they have been for 4 months. Please click on the paypal button to the left. With all my heart, thank you! Thank you for prayers, thank you for your time in reading this blog and thank you for your donation. You can also visit www.rickgehring.com to read the story of what happened. 

Spring brings life and projects.....

When you own a house there is always something to do. You never get bored. We knew this going into buying a house (7 years ago) because if we wanted to get anything bigger than a 1000 sq.ft. house, it would have to be a fixer-upper.Well as most of you know, we bought the ultimate fixer-upper. In the past 7 years we have re-done every floor, wall and ceiling in this house. You would think after 7 years of projects and living with a huge amount of sawdust and dirt IN my house, I would be done, ready to take a break from projects. However every Spring I get the itching to do another major project. I get all excited and start planning it in my head and think OK, let's do it. Unfortunately  my husband is not on the same excited page I am. He is the smart one. He can see into the future of what the project will really entail and how much time and work because inevitably I will have to attend to the children while he finishes the latest project. Don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of work on this fixer-upper. Most of that was done when I have one infant who sat in a swing all day. Now I have three children who all move and scream and fight and whine. They also play sibling rivalry is quite strong in this house.

Part of me does the comparing game. I look at what others have at their house or their yard and think why can't I do that? Why can't we have that? So I jump into planner mode. I'm a GREAT planner. I can plan any project down to every detail. It's the executing that slows me down and discourages me. I want it done RIGHT NOW!! I want to be Samatha on Bewitched and wiggle my nose and have it look perfect. 

That is when my husband of 10+ years reins me in and brings me that reality check I need. I can plan all I want but I have to consider such things in my plans as weather (if it's an outside project), financing (yes, it always cost money, I can't seem to want anything that is free) and of course labor (i.e. my husband). I have to consider all those steps instead of skipping over them with the idea that all that will appear out of thin air and will work perfectly. 

So as of now, I'm at a place where I have to slow down and be realistic. Thankfully God has given me the most patient husband on earth I believe.    

Change of life....

No I'm not going through what most people think of as "the change" but in the past couple weeks I have changed. Monday February 7th 8:30am my life changed. I got one those phone calls nobody wants to get. My parents were on vacation and my mom called with the news that my dad had a stroke. They were enjoying sunny south Florida and within moments of waking up and getting ready for the day, his whole life changed. Within a span of 10 minutes he was getting ready for the day to being transported to a trauma stroke center.
I'm not going to go through the whole story of what followed but suffice to say my dad is in ICU doing much better than he started 2 weeks ago.
How has this affected me? One would think I would come back and appreciate my family more and start exercising more and being less lazy, but unfortunately I am not there yet. What will it take for me. I saw my dad laying in the hospital bed hooked up to tubes and an ventilator.
So how have I changed, mentally. I remind myself every day that life is short and we need to appreciate what we have in each other. I am slowly getting to the point of eating better, exercising more and living life to the fullest. I am still me, I still get annoyed that the floor is dirty EVERYDAY. I still get frustrated with my kids and husband, however I find myself stopping and reminding myself that my parents would give anything to only have to deal with a dirty floor and whiny kids. I have the use of every part of my body fully.
My sister and I talked about how we are part of the sandwich generation. We are taking care of our small children and our parents. I remember my mom talking about that when she was in that position. Thankfully I have two other siblings to help with this task.
I'm learning to LIG it. LET IT GO! Let the crumbs sit there for a day, let the laundry sit in a basket needing to be folded for a day or two or five in order to spend time playing with legos or coloring or sculpting with play dough.
Finding the balance between getting tasks done that need to be done (eventually) to spending quality time with family is the challenge I have now. I'm trying new approaches and we'll see how they pan out. I'll keep you posted on that! For now, its time to do one of those duel tasks, spending time with kids and doing a job, change a diaper!!

Happy New Year~ Goals for 2011~

It occurred to me tonight while I was catching up on a friends blog that I haven't written on mine in awhile so here goes...
It's a new year and with that are so many changes. People have these grandiose plans to loose weight, clean and organize every nook and cranny in their house and make this year better than last year. Not that doing those are not lofty goals and good for you, but what happens by February 15th is people get depressed. They can't do it. They have failed. What makes us want to set these "resolutions" every year only to fail at them so soon.
This year I vow not to have any resolutions. I have ideas of what I want my year to look like and how I want my body to look, my house to look, my children to act. But no! No resolutions. I'm going to set small goals for myself and not worry about the other things that will get done later. I have 365 days to get those done.
Now that being said, I can focus on my real desire. To transform my mind. I was told once that in a job interview, they send someone out to your car to see what it looks like on the inside and outside. If you car is clean and picked up that shows something about you. If it's dirty and you have chicken nuggets left over from last month laying on the floor with a change of clothes wadded up in the back seat, that says something about you. Does that mean if you have a messy house, you have a messy head. A messy relationship with others, with yourself, with God. If you have an immaculate house and not a spec of dust or dirt to be found, you have a great relationship with others, yourself and God. I believe the opposite. If your house is messy, maybe that is because you are focusing on the relationships in your life and not on how well your house looks. Not that I don't want a clean house but if my house is clean and I have no one to share it with because I've spent too much time working on my house and not my relationships then I have nothing. If I'm too busy making sure the Christmas decorations are in a perfect row of bins with typed labels on them but have no relationship with my children, friends, or God I have nothing.
This will be the year of taking care of people, not things. Yes I do have to take care of things but not at the expense of people. The most important people are myself, my family and my friends in that order.
Goals for 2011:
1) Turn off the static in my brain and listen to what God wants me to do and where to go and who to be with!
2) Appreciate the people in my life who bring me joy, love and peace. Say good-bye to the people in my life who bring me down, make me cry and that I can't be myself with.
3) Bring new activities into my family life that we can enjoy together
4) Make my house peaceful, calm and happy
5) Be honest with friends in a loving way, give more than I receive and be there!

Even though there are only 5, I know they are biggies and I hope to reach them all. We'll reminisce in January 2012!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T (and lack there of)

When someone mentions something once, you may let it go in one ear and out the other. When a different person mentions the same issue, you think hmmm. When other people are having that same issue with someone completely different, you start to think maybe it's not JUST me.
In the past few weeks, I have had multiple conversations with people about varying levels of respect. Some call in following the rules, others call it bullying, and some call it just being unaware of the impact your words have on others. Whatever you choose to name it, it boils down to lack of respect. Whether you are a six year old on the playground making a bad choice of friends, making a joke that really truly hurt the other person or laughing and giggling while someone is giving a heart wrenching story, you are showing a lack of respect to the others around you.
It got me thinking about myself and how I often show disrespect to the people around me, to their face or worse, behind their back. As women (for some odd reason) we seemed to turn 13 in junior high and just STAY there. We grew chronologically but not emotionally. When we are threatened we revert back to that junior high girl that is a nit picking gossip queen bee attitude that says I'm better than so and so, I make better choices. When in reality you are making the same bad choices just in different ways.
Now my question is, how do we stop the cycle in our own family... have all boys.That isn't the answer. Is it to show our children (boy or girl) how to respect the people around them. We need to do more than tell them, we need to SHOW them, by doing that same gesture ourselves.
The big question then is, how do we do that. Did our parents have the same problem and were unaware of how to solve it or were they unaware at the whole notion of this. I doubt it. My parents (I believe) taught me how to respect others, yet I've fallen into the same trap that we all do. Viewing ourselves as better than others, or expecting others to take care of us. We are adults, we feed our children, we keep our houses and somewhere in all that, we manage to have a life outside that with other women. Yet we don't value any of that. How can you value you something you take advantage of and talk bad about.
Don't get me wrong, I know there is a time and place for venting and there should be, but come on.. (as my sister the counselor of elementary kids would say) can we just please LIG-it! LET IT GO! I tell my kids all the time to move on and not dwell on it. So WHY CAN'T I DO IT!!!
Are my small children more capable of LIG-ing it then I am. Why is that? I have more experience and therefor have more knowledge or is it because I've been burned and they haven't (at least not in their memory). Our children don't see what we see, they don't feel what we feel. They instead see and feel and innocent, pleasing Godly world. So let's take a page from our children's handbook and LIG-it! (I most definitely will need help with this though)

Seasons change

In talking with my sister last night, she brought up a topic that really made me think. We have different seasons in our lives and each season brings new challenges and new joys. As children we worried about the bug crawling across the floor or our sister leaving us out of her game. As young adults (collage age) we worried about a test grade or why we didn't get invited to the party. As adults we worry about finances and our children becoming who we want them to become. Time is also an issue as we go through the seasons of life. As a child, it seems like there isn't enough time because we have to take naps and go to bed early. As young adults we don't have enough time to study and have fun, as adults we don't have enough time because of a number of things, our children being the biggest.
It got me thinking that we need to take time in each season to take care of ourselves and cherish ourselves so we can enjoy the season we are in. My mom told me once "the days are long but the years are short". She was referring to child rearing. As a mother of young children I wake up in the morning with my mind racing already of what needs to be done. I go go go all day even if I don't leave the house. At the end of the day my mind is racing still so I don't sleep. (Hence, me writing on my blog at 11:15pm). I used to wonder if anyone reads this besides my sister in law because she tells me she does. I guess i still wonder who reads it but really what I want to know is what you think about what I write.

I had a friend tell me recently that I was high strung. First of all, she is right. I am high strung. I fully admit it. I also know deep down in my heart, she meant nothing harmful by it at all. However it got me thinking what kind of person do others perceive me to be. No one ever tells you that your annoying or obnoxious for obvious reasons. Now I'm not saying that I think I'm either one but do you ever wonder what people really think of you? Do you care? In our society, women often care about this and men don't (at least that is what they tell me).

Back to my point...
Seasons.... Now that the seasons are changing into Fall, which i am thrilled about, I think I will re-evaluate the season I'm in. My child raising years. My mom told me once that not to worry about the dishwasher or the floor or the toilet but just to play with my kids. i am really going to try to do that more. I want my kids to have memories of their first season of life to be joyful and not challenging. I want to be what God wants me to be.... a good women, a good mother, a good wife, a good friend, a good person.

Summer Vacation

Growing up, we dreamed of summer vacation. "School's out for summer" we would shout around the halls of the school. Now, most parents dread summer vacation. 24/7 kids at home while they are at work. My parents were just as excited if not more for summer vacation. They were teachers. I was a little worried about summer vacation. I had grown accustomed to only have 2 little ones at home. My two quiet, calm little ones. Joining the group was big brother Erik. Full of energy, full of vinegar, full of wildness. Phil's answer was to "kick him outside". That would have been great except it rained for the first 2 weeks of summer vacation. VERY un-walla walla weather. Now it's been almost a month of summer vacation and we are getting sunshine (finally) and I have re-accumulated to having 3 at home full time. We have actually been quite busy. I took the 3 kids to Sandpoint for the 1st week so Phil could do some much needed overtime. It was nice but 3 kids in the car by myself wasn't so nice. Actually only one (Sarah) was the problem. I don't think I will be traveling with kids (without help) for awhile again. Sarah has never been a good traveler and I don't know why I thought she would start now. Caleb on the other had, did fantastic. Slept the entire way!
We have also done VBS! Vacation Bible school was fun, exhausting and worthwhile for all involved. Sarah & Caleb were doted on in the nursery, Erik was taught about his faith and played games with the 1st graders and I helped teach the 3rd-5th graders. I learned about some things about my faith that I didn't know. Amazing how God works!
Now I look toward the rest of summer and am excited. So many more adventures with the kids and family as a whole!
I will try to stay more updated with my posts. I figured most reading this blog know what is going on in my life anyway due to being family, friends and facebook! Ha ha, the 3 F's in my life!

Out numbered

Ok, it's been 1 month since Caleb Robert joined our family. I can't believe it's already been a month. Where did the time go? I was lucky enough to have my parents here for two weeks helping with Sarah and Erik and letting me get sleep. Now, 4 weeks after our little boy joined us, we are on our own and getting no sleep. Caleb doesn't sleep during the night and the others don't sleep during the day so that leaves me with no time for naps, not that I want to take them because then I can't seem to fall asleep at night for the short bursts that Caleb does sleep. I have discovered I can't eat dairy, at least I think that is what it is. I hope after a few more days he will start to get better. It hasn't even been a week and it could take as long as a month to get out of my system. Well duty calls. This was short and sweet but because of dairy (hopefully that is the reason) Caleb is yet again calling me.

all in DUE time.....

They say being patient is a virtue. I don't know who "They" are, but they are right, it's a virtue. A virtue I don't have. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not patient. I don't like surprises, I can't keep a secret (about myself that is) and I don't like waiting. When I want something done, I want it done NOW! In the grand scheme of things, 9 months is not a very long time to wait for a baby. I mean come on, 9 months to go from a tiny little egg and sperm to a full fledged human being. That is a miracle, an amazing transformation. It's not until the end when we start getting impatient, at least I do. I haven't even reached my due date (3 days left) and I'm already obsessing on when I will go into labor. I've done this twice before and yet am a little worried about the birth. I am not worried that something will go wrong or that the baby will have special needs, I am worried about myself. Can I birth a baby? Will I stay relaxed? Seriously, what is wrong with me, I've done this TWICE without any medication. What am I worried about. Maybe it's knowing what's coming. Maybe not knowing is better than knowing. With this pregnancy, it's been a world wind. Being busy with two other kids (one in school and the other in diapers still) has kept me preoccupied so I haven't had to think about it. There were times I forgot I was pregnant until I looked in the mirror. I remember when I was pregnant with Sarah, I was freaked. I thought how am I going to handle two kids. Now I'm freaked about three kids. I was able to handle two kids just fine and will be able to handle three. Why am I freaked out. As I write this, I realize I'm all over the board with my thoughts. It's called being 9 months pregnant. My body isn't my own, why should my mind be my own. I get annoyed that people only see a pregnant women in front of them. "how are you doing? Are you ready? What do the kids think?" Is that all people think about when they see me? They don't think about Natalie, they think about pregnant mom. I know they are being supportive and encouraging and I do the same thing to my pregnant friends. I should enjoy it and treasure it instead of being repulsed by it and wanting to crawl into a cave until I go into labor. Part of me wants to hunker down for the week and wait it out by myself. I won't have those questions in my head constantly but then again, maybe I will but I will be the one asking them not my sweet hearted friends but my own brain is asking "how are you doing? are you ready? are the kids ready? is the house ready? is my body ready? Maybe it's better to be around other people so I have something else to think about besides what is about to come OUT of my body. I treasure my baby and I thank God He has given me another child to love, care for and nurture into an adult who could possibly change the world for the better. I'm just scared for that responsibility. I suppose God knows what he is doing. Thank you for taking the time to read my scatterbrained thoughts and if you are reading this, I appreciate you as a friend and do welcome the question "how are you doing?" I know it only means you care!

Appreciation

I listened to a friend vent today and then read her blog about the same vent and it made me think, Amen Sister!! She was referring to respect. In the last few days especially, we've been struggling with Erik and his respecting his parents choices. The words "You are being so mean" have come out of his precious mouth a lot lately. At first, it made my heart strings tug and want to curl up in a corner and cry and hold him telling him, momma will make it better. Then after the 45th time of his saying this is less than a week (not really but it sure seems like it) I got upset, not at him but myself. How could I have raised such a disrespectful child. Am I doing something wrong? Am I forgetting to address a problem? Do I not see what he really needs? Now a lot of changes are going on in our house, well actually just one big change. A whole other person is about to join us, for life. I realized tonight that I've been naive in expecting no change in behavior with Erik with a new baby on the horizon. I've been so concerned with how Sarah will be affected that I didn't stop to think about Erik. Sure he's been through this before but he's older, he knows more, he understands more. He truly understands that he will be the one who has to pick up the slack when I need something picked up, put away or Sarah played with. In all of my needing and expecting him to respect me, I need to turn the tables and respect him.
Right now that is difficult to do being 9 months pregnant and a husband working 12+ hour days this week. Which brings me to my title of tonight's post, appreciation. I appreciate my husband, kids and friends but mostly I appreciate the single parents out there. To not have the support both mentally and physically is unimaginable to me. I know we deal with what we have and work with it to the best of our ability but WOW, I am not one of those people who could do this on my own and I know a lot of single parents have some kind of support but it's usually not full time and it always comes at a cost whereas a husband or wife doesn't come strings attached (usually)!
For whoever reads this, I leave you with this thought appreciate your husband/ wife, kids, friends and anyone in your life who has a positive attitude despite their struggles.

Naptime & Number 3

Nap time is the best time of the day when you have little ones who take naps. It's a time of quiet, unwinding bliss. It is usually a time of getting the laundry done or dishes washed. I try to use the time of nap time or quiet time as we call it as a time to relax and do something for me. I watch TV, read a book or have a cup of tea. Today I took a nap. I was so exhausted from my little peanut growing inside me that I layed down to rest. An hour and a half later I woke up feeling rested but annoyed. I knew I would not be able to sleep tonight and now it's almost midnight and I am still awake. I figured I might as well catch up on my blog. It is still weird to me that you all read this even though I'm the same way about blogs. I have a few friends with blogs and I check them out religiously to see if they have made a new post.
Since my last post, I've been a little less freaked out about the joy coming to me in a little over 2 months. It boggles me that this pregnancy has gone by so fast but I guess I'm chasing after 2 others and have many other things on my plate. What will become of me with number 3. That is what I've been calling this one because I don't know the gender. I knew the gender of my first 2 babies before they were born. I've been told it's soooo much better this way but I'm not sure if I agree. With Erik and Sarah I had little people in me with personalities and a dream of what they would be like. I was told by a friend that I could just concentrate on the health of the baby this time and not what they will be like or how a girl/ boy will effect our family dynamics. It's funny because I never had those thoughts with Erik and Sarah but have them all the time with this one. I wonder how I will feel if a what comes out is not what I expected or desired. I honestly feel like no matter what comes out, I will be happy but there is a little inkling of "what if I'm disappointed", I ache knowing that I may feel like that. I chose not to find out the gender of the baby because of a number of reasons, Phil for one, also the excitement of not knowing (or so I thought).
I really have no idea the point to this post other than the get my feelings out to a world of unknown. When I write here, I feel like I'm getting my thoughts and feelings out in a real way but not to real people. I know real people read this but it doesn't feel as real as if I was talking to you in front of me. Don't get me wrong about this whole baby thing, I'm so excited to add another member to our family and am amazed daily by his/ her movements but and maybe it's the planner in me, I just want to know how to prepare my mind, body and house for this new member. When you bring a member of the family home, they should have a place to call home. Yes I will have an array of clothes and diapers but something just isn't the same.
Now it's officially midnight and I'm finally tired. So if you have words of wisdom to get through the next two months, I welcome them. If all your going to say is "oh you'll be fine". I already know that so thank you and I believe you! Have a blessed Christmas season and a Happy New year in case I don't get back til 2010!